A self-hypnosis how-to

Over this past week, I had two root canals. This gave me the chance to practice some self-hypnosis.

If you close your eyes, you can often see little flashes of light. I'm not sure what they are yet, but if you focus your vision on them, they can sometimes expand, contract or dissipate, depending on just how strong your focus is. I think they may be unpredictable. But if you can draw your focus on them, it helps the time go by and can sometimes even free you from pain.

While I still had some pain during these root canals, they were generally milder than expected, and the recovery process has been, for the most part, pain-free. I'd like to practice this technique more.

"I don't love you because I need you..."

"...I need you because I love you."

I'm sure some of you have heard this bumper sticker "wisdom" before. My mom used to say it was the ideal kind of love. I always thought that was bullshit, even as a kid, but now I'm gonna try to articulate why.

First off, "need" beyond the hunter-gatherer sense is an illusion. And even when you're talking about the basic needs like food and shelter, they still assume that remaining alive is a requirement. If you didn't care whether you lived or died, then you really don't need anything at all.

But let's run with the jingoistic definition of "need" as something that is really preferable to have. Exactly what do you think your lover will think with that construction? If anything, it's even more pathological. Just because you fall in love with someone, suddenly you need them? At least the first construction is somewhat logical. The feelings of affection derive from a requirement. If the person stops providing what is required, the feelings cease, simple as that

The latter is some fuddy-duddy, "Oprah"-watching, soap opera version of love that allows you to be the main character in your own drama, day in day out, and your lover is just a supporting character. Imagine if he feels the same about you? Would anything ever get done? You'd probably spend all your days going between fighting to having make-up sex, and then fighting just so you can have make-up sex, and that would sum up your entire existence.

It's sad, it's pathetic, and God damn it, it's not fucking love. Real love requires nothing, and therefore need does not enter into the equation.

Nagareboshi he

Tonight, on my way to dialysis, I saw a shooting star.

I note this because this is actually the first shooting star I remember seeing; usually, my brother sees them (and he sees them quite frequently) and tells me to look, but by the time I do, it is of course, too late.

What does it mean? We, of course, know that they're not really shooting stars at all; just masses of something burning up in the atmosphere as it's drawn to Earth. But that could have its own meaning, too. You never really know.

The cosmos is quite intriguing in its expanse..

On side note: Sasha returning to Sluggy Freelance? Fuckin' awesome.