"I don't love you because I need you..."
"...I need you because I love you."
I'm sure some of you have heard this bumper sticker "wisdom" before. My mom used to say it was the ideal kind of love. I always thought that was bullshit, even as a kid, but now I'm gonna try to articulate why.
First off, "need" beyond the hunter-gatherer sense is an illusion. And even when you're talking about the basic needs like food and shelter, they still assume that remaining alive is a requirement. If you didn't care whether you lived or died, then you really don't need anything at all.
But let's run with the jingoistic definition of "need" as something that is really preferable to have. Exactly what do you think your lover will think with that construction? If anything, it's even more pathological. Just because you fall in love with someone, suddenly you need them? At least the first construction is somewhat logical. The feelings of affection derive from a requirement. If the person stops providing what is required, the feelings cease, simple as that
The latter is some fuddy-duddy, "Oprah"-watching, soap opera version of love that allows you to be the main character in your own drama, day in day out, and your lover is just a supporting character. Imagine if he feels the same about you? Would anything ever get done? You'd probably spend all your days going between fighting to having make-up sex, and then fighting just so you can have make-up sex, and that would sum up your entire existence.
It's sad, it's pathetic, and God damn it, it's not fucking love. Real love requires nothing, and therefore need does not enter into the equation.
I'm sure some of you have heard this bumper sticker "wisdom" before. My mom used to say it was the ideal kind of love. I always thought that was bullshit, even as a kid, but now I'm gonna try to articulate why.
First off, "need" beyond the hunter-gatherer sense is an illusion. And even when you're talking about the basic needs like food and shelter, they still assume that remaining alive is a requirement. If you didn't care whether you lived or died, then you really don't need anything at all.
But let's run with the jingoistic definition of "need" as something that is really preferable to have. Exactly what do you think your lover will think with that construction? If anything, it's even more pathological. Just because you fall in love with someone, suddenly you need them? At least the first construction is somewhat logical. The feelings of affection derive from a requirement. If the person stops providing what is required, the feelings cease, simple as that
The latter is some fuddy-duddy, "Oprah"-watching, soap opera version of love that allows you to be the main character in your own drama, day in day out, and your lover is just a supporting character. Imagine if he feels the same about you? Would anything ever get done? You'd probably spend all your days going between fighting to having make-up sex, and then fighting just so you can have make-up sex, and that would sum up your entire existence.
It's sad, it's pathetic, and God damn it, it's not fucking love. Real love requires nothing, and therefore need does not enter into the equation.
posted by Danny Lilithborne @ 7:20 AM
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